Rocket meets Bojack
by theaspiringwriter23
Summary: Rocket Raccoon meets the infamous Bojack Horseman at a bar, where the two get into a fight, until they realize their not so different after all


Bojack Horseman was a 1,200 pound horse crouched down at a bar, waiting for his drink. He lived on a planet full of both human looking people and anthropomorphized animals. Suddenly The Guardians burst into the bar.

"Finally, a planet where no one gives me any looks!", Rocket said.

A Pelican-esque man then looked down at Rocket and smirked.

"What's a raccoon doing here? Shouldn't you be eating at McDonalds? It is garbage after all!", the pelican man teased. Then he and his friends laughed at his joke.

Rocket just groaned, annoyed.

"If you need me, I'll be at the bar", Rocket said.

Rocket walked towards the stool and climbed on top of it. He stood on the stool and looked at the bartender.

"Hey Bartender, get me a whiskey mixed with a ginger ale!", Rocket demanded.

"Don't you even think about it, buddy, because this asshole doesn't give orders. I'VE BEEN WAITING HERE FIVE MINUTES, YA MORON, WHERE THE HELL IS MY DRINK?!", Bojack ranted.

"Gee, impatient much, there are other customers ya know", Rocket said, "Seriously, the world doesn't revolve around you!"

Then The Bartender gave Rocket his drink.

"Really? You gave a guy who just got here his drink but I get nothing?! What the hell, barkeep?!", Bojack kept ranting.

The Bartender rolled his eyes and finally gave Bojack his drink.

"THANK YOU! Was...was that so hard? Was it, Bartender? I've been waiting here for 5 MINUTES and just NOW you give me my drink! What the hell man?!", Bojack continued.

"What's your problem?", Rocket asked, "Do you have a stick up your ass or something?"

"Do you know my problem? Do you? I don't think so! You have no reason telling me I shouldn't have a stick up my ass!", Bojack said.

This guy was starting to really, really get on Rocket's nerves. Suddenly, he turned and looked at Bojack.

"Oh, you think you have it hard?", Rocket asked.

"Yeah, I do", Bojack said, "If you knew half the shit I've been through, you wouldn't be talking shit to me!"

"Half the shit you've been through?! I've been shat on my entire life!", Rocket said.

"Oh yeah? How about growing up with neglectful parents who were always fighting and, when they weren't fighting, were making you feel like a piece of shit just for existing!", Bojack said.

"You think that's bad? I can top that! How about growing up as an EXPERIMENT, yeah, I'm not from here, ya horse's ass, I was experimented on in another planet, where you're always in pain and always being tortured by being put apart and back together?! And you think your family treating you like shit is bad?! Have you lived in my shoes?! How about having everyone but your best friend treat you like shit?! Every damn day, I get stared at, made the butt of jokes, or treated like some goddamn pet! It's not normal to talk and be my species on most of the planets I've been on and I'm reminded of that all. the. damn. time!", Rocket ranted.

Suddenly, Bojack was taken aback. Rocket was right. He DID have it worse.

"And what makes it worse is you never know who to trust because you've been treated like a freak by so many people that you can't help but worry that your friends think less of you too and you can't help but keep your distance from them in case they ever double cross ya!"

This made Bojack and the people around them quiet. Bojack sighed.

"I know what that's like", Bojack said.

Rocket was perplexed.

"You do?", Rocket asked.

"I've driven away everyone I ever loved because I'm a piece of shit who can't act like a decent guy for 5 minutes and it turns off almost everyone whose ever been close to me", Bojack said, "Because I too am afraid of having to establish an actual emotional connection with anyone because I've always been made to feel worthless".

"Wow, I didn't realize that...", Rocket said.

Bojack neighed.

"It's fine. You know what the worst part is though? I don't really want to be this way", Bojack said.

"Well, neither do I", Rocket said, "But it's like...I don't really know how else to..."

"Act", Bojack finished his sentence.

"Exactly!", Rocket answered back, "They say it's so damn easy to be a good person but is it? Because it sure doesn't seem that way to me!"

Bojack sighed, neighing as horses do.

"I dunno, they make it seem so easy, but when you've been shat on by the world and become so bitter over the years, it's hard to become a better person", Bojack lamented.

"I agree, buddy, I agree", Rocket said.

"Huh. I guess were not that different you and I", Bojack said.

"I guess were not", Rocket said.

Suddenly, Peter and the Gang walked up to Rocket.

"Hey man, we should get going!", Peter said.

"Okay, Quill, I'll be there in a minute. So Bojack, it was nice to meet you", Rocket said.

"You too", Bojack said.

"And, uhh, keep in touch", Rocket said.

He then wrote down his number on a piece of paper and gave it to Bojack.

"If ya ever need me, just call", Rocket continued.

Bojack smiled.

"I will", Bojack said, "Have a nice day, man".

"You too", Rocket said.

Then Rocket happily jumped off the seat and walked with the other Guardians.

"Who was that?", Gamora asked.

"Just a new friend", Rocket said.

"You? Making friends? I don't believe it!", Quill said.

"Believe it", Rocket said.

"Don't worry about Peter, Rocket, I think it's nice that you made a friend", Drax said.

"Yeah, it sure is", Rocket said.

Rocket walked off with his friends. While he was never going to be the friendliest guy, at least he found someone who understood what he was going through.

THE END


End file.
